Sam Lessin
Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook, covering startup building, product design, and operator lessons.
Episode
How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin
Summary
Sam Lessin, VC at Slow Ventures and former VP at Facebook, makes the case that professional etiquette is a learnable tactical skill for founders — not about formality but about showing up with a "low heart rate" and an abundance mindset. The episode covers 10 social categories with specific, counterintuitive rules, arguing that Silicon Valley has incorrectly taught founders to focus only on product and be deliberately abrasive.
Key Takeaways
Arrive early to any meeting so you're in the waiting room when they come to get you, not rushing in with elevated heart rate. This one habit changes the energy of every interaction.
Use "great to see you" instead of "nice to meet you" — it works whether you've met the person before or not, avoiding the embarrassing admission that you've forgotten them.
Treat every interaction with an abundance mindset: this is not your one shot. Leave the other person wanting more — exit gracefully before overstaying.
Dress one level up from what you expect the room to require. Fit matters far more than brand — a well-fitting shirt beats a misfitting shirt.
In conversations, treat it like ping-pong: going six questions in a row without contributing reads as an interrogation, not a conversation.
Notable Quotes
“I really enjoy things at the intersection of hilarious and useful. You kind of need both. And hilarious just because you should have fun in life. We should be working on things that are fun and interesting. Also, candidly, if we're being more honest about it's very hard to cut through the noise these days. So you need humor is a great way to cut through it, but humor just for the sake of being funny is not that useful.”
“Cheers. Again, I think the thing for us is I'm kind of a ship early, ship often guy. So V1, you should buy it now and study it because it's good and it's going to be a limited edition. The funny part about doing this is people come back with a bunch of other things we should cover. So I suspect that eventually this will evolve beyond it, but I think we're starting with some good stuff.”
“One is it's actually, I think, especially nice to offer and even sometimes pay because the reality is, if you think about it, they obviously don't care about the money, but no one does that. They're like, "Well, clearly you should pay." And so the more you're like, "Oh no, I'm treating us like this is a conversation and equals and I'd love to offer or just pay as big."”